Wednesday, November 26, 2014


The year.
This year saw the end of so much.
I'm trying to begin something new. I have so much going on. Nearly everything seems to either be working or not, but even when something "seems" like it's working, it doesn't deter me from proceeding with all other options. Because life has taught me that shit almost never works out. So even as I pursue the best options, I proceed in all other otpions as if the best option isn't working out. This is realism.
Thank god I'm like that! Things I keep thinking are going to be the jackpot keep failing. And the only thing keeping me going is the other 6 things I have going. If I was an optimist, I would not pursue other things when it seemed one thing was working out. If I was a pessimist, I wouldn't try anything - I'd accept defeat. But I'm a hard-working realist.

It's so hard to find people who have good ideals. Religious people are fucked-up (sorry to my religious friends, but yeah). We should work towards the best life and world we can bring about. We can't save the world by ourselves. We can't "fix" other people. And we don't "know" as much as we think we do (I think so, anyway). At best, we can offer to others what we hope is good advice. Being fallible humans, we are sometimes right and sometimes wrong. We each have to reserve our own council for the final vote on the sage from our friends and enemies (who enemies offer some quite sage insights, sometimes).
It is more important to love than to be right.
It is very important to love.
It is very important to love than it is to run 10,000 miles.
Stick to your guns (I own 14 guns, but I'm not talking about those guns [don't be a freak]). Stand for something and mean it, and trust it. That's your foundation. If you're lost above this, then, well, you can only build a house on a foundation. So get to work.

I've realized that the vast majority of humanity rule their psyche and lives by fear and a short-sighted ideal of what life can offer. People fear success, they fear what life has to offer, they fear the vastness of the universe. They fear being wrong, but mostly they fear being shown to be wrong publicly. Which is not the same as being wrong. Because public wronging can mean going against what's politically correct.

I still run, but not doing many races.
Spain and Portugal were among my most amazing experiences this year.
I'm not allowed to say who I spent my vacations with. Sucks! But that was then and this is now. Trying to create something new. Meeting the most amazing people. One theme keeps rearing it's ugly head - I am not like people. There is no other like me - I broke the mold, it seems. Or my mold was defective.

I enjoy a life - a perception of what life "ought" to be - that no other seems to have. I don't get it, being me. How can other people not see what I see?! The potential?! Hello! WTF?!

Forget about your idea of gender, class, sexual persuasion, religion. Okay, politics is very important. But people really need to drop their perceived limits. Really. Cut it the fuck out! Start living life, for a change!

I've been living on the fringes.
A coworker blew his brains out in his bathroom - his sister found him.
The person I've cared about more than any other has scorned me. but we seem to still be friends - maybe.
A friend recently died of brain cancer. I knew him and his daughters for 23yrs.
I'm scaring myself with a weird lack of fear. It sure is exciting. I'm 54 and no one at home. Why the hell not?

After 3-pitch Green Dihedral

From the AirBnb apartment in Porto, Portugal - practically in the ocean.

Grand Gulch

Above Virginius Pass, Nov, 2014

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